If it has been a long time since your last confession, even thinking about going back can feel heavy. Maybe you are not sure what to say. Maybe you are afraid you will forget the prayers or be judged for how long it has been. Maybe part of you wants to go, while another part quietly wonders if it is easier to keep waiting.
If that sounds familiar, you are not alone. For many of us, confession can feel intimidating after time away—not because we do not believe in God’s mercy, but because we are still learning how to trust that mercy personally. We may know, in our minds, that God forgives. But letting ourselves be seen, known, and loved in the very places we would rather hide is a deeper kind of surrender.
What If Confession Is an Invitation?
It is easy to think of confession as a place where we need to prove we are sorry enough, explain ourselves well enough, or somehow earn our way back into God’s grace. But the sacrament is not a courtroom where we stand abandoned before an angry judge. It is more like walking into the presence of a Father who has been watching the road, waiting for His child to come home.
God is not shocked by our sins. He is not impatient with our weakness. He is not standing at a distance, tapping His foot, wondering why it took us so long. God is patient with the parts of us that are still learning how to trust mercy again.
I remember one of my first confessions after coming back to the Catholic faith. I was nervous. I didn’t remember all the steps of a confession. I wanted to “get it right.” And I carried so much shame with me that I could hardly look the priest in the eye. Even though I knew, in my head, that confession was a place of mercy, my heart still felt exposed and afraid. But that moment mattered. It was one of the first times I began to understand that God was not asking me to come back perfectly. He was simply asking me to come back.
After confessing my sins, including one that was deeply painful, the priest looked me at me through my tears and said, “I know that was a heartfelt confession. I can see it in your tears. But God is a loving God.” It’s exactly what I needed to hear in that moment! The shame was lifted. My heart was lighter. I knew God loved me, no matter what I did.
If You Do Not Know Where to Begin
You do not have to have the perfect words. You can begin simply: “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been a long time since my last confession, and I am not sure how to do this” That is enough to begin. The priest will guide you through the rest. You are not expected to perform. You are invited to receive.
Another confession that has stayed with me happened almost unexpectedly. A colleague texted me the night before and asked if I wanted to go to confession at the parish across the street from our work the following day. I said yes immediately, not knowing how deeply God would meet me there. It ended up being one of the most powerful confessions I have ever experienced.
I was nervous at first. I always go face to face in my confessions and I always wonder if I’ll say everything I need to say. But it’s amazing how the Holy Spirit guides me in saying exactly what needs to be said. As I spoke, it felt less like I was simply listing sins and more like I was speaking directly to Jesus. I shared that to the priest and he said something like, “I am to be like Jesus in the confessional for you. Imagine what confession would be like if I told you how awful you were!” I cried. Not tears of shame or sadness, but tears of feeling fully connected to Jesus in that moment!
Even the penance the priest gave me seemed to align so closely with what I had confessed that it felt deeply personal. He didn’t ask me to go recite a certain number of Our Fathers or Hail Mary’s. He asked me to do something kind for my husband without telling him I was doing it. It was simple, but it stayed with me. It was related to the exact sin I was confessing! Mercy did not end when I left the confessional. It invited me to love differently when I returned home.
Sometimes the hardest part is not naming our sins but believing we are still wanted by God after we name them. Confession teaches us that we are not loved because we have everything together. We are loved because we belong to Him. The healing begins when we stop hiding long enough to let mercy meet us.
A Gentle Return
This month’s new blog post, My First Confession in Years, is for anyone who feels that tug to return but still feels afraid. If confession feels intimidating after time away, take heart. The invitation is not to shame, but to healing. Not to fear, but to mercy. Not to condemnation, but to the quiet grace of coming home.
Take time this week to pray about returning to the confessional. Envision the healing face of Jesus meeting you there. God bless!
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