Returning Home: My Journey Back to Faith

How Decades of Prayer, Persistent Questions, and Community Transformed My Relationship with God

Ten years ago, my mom’s decades-long prayers were finally answered when I made the decision to return to the Catholic Church. I remember the moment vividly—I told her I was enrolling in the RCIA program at my parish that fall, determined to be confirmed. Her response will always stay with me: “I’ve been praying for nearly 30 years that you would come back. What a miracle,” she said, and we both shed tears of joy.

Early Years: Seeds of Faith and Doubt

Let me take you back over 38 years ago. At 16, I was a sophomore in high school—a so-called “goody two shoes,” always striving for top grades in my St. Paul public school. Yet, beneath my well-behaved exterior, I felt out of place and adrift, especially as my best friend Heather attended a private school in Minneapolis. Although we shared many interests, the one difference was becoming glaring: my faith was slipping away.

Spring arrived in Minnesota, melting away the snow and coaxing life back into the grass—but I was spiritually dormant, searching for fulfillment in worldly achievements rather than faith. Instead of leaning on God, I walked away, distancing myself from the very beliefs that had shaped my childhood.

Turning Away: When Faith Became an Afterthought

Raised Catholic, I was baptized as an infant, went to Mass regularly, received my first communion in third grade, and made my first reconciliation in fourth grade, as was the tradition then. Wednesday nights meant faith formation classes—what we called CCD. But by tenth grade, although I dutifully attended a confirmation retreat in January, something inside me shifted. Just weeks before my scheduled confirmation, I delivered a shock: I told my parents and faith formation director I would not be confirmed.

It was an unexpected move from someone who followed every rule. I’d never truly taken ownership of my faith, showing up for requirements without asking the questions that troubled me. Surrounded by friends who weren’t Catholic, I struggled to see the faith as my own.

Searching for Meaning in All the Wrong Places

For years, I drifted further from God, falling into a cycle of pride, envy, and self-centeredness, convinced that worldly success would bring me happiness. My prayers, when they came, were bargains rather than conversations, and I misunderstood God’s love as something transactional rather than unconditional.

Despite being married in the Catholic Church and working for a Catholic school, my faith stayed on the back burner. I baptized my children and hoped their faith would be stronger than mine. Yet, the more I tried to keep faith at a distance, the emptier my life felt. I relied on others—faith formation teachers, priests—to teach my children, not realizing that faith needed to start at home.

A Gradual Awakening

As my oldest child became a teenager, I started to sense a void. I couldn’t identify it at first, but now I know it was the absence of true faith and a relationship with God.

My journey home began slowly. My mom handed me “Catholicism for Dummies” and invited me to a screening of “Son of God” in 2013. I started attending a women’s conference, joined parent nights at my parish, and began asking the hard questions I’d avoided in my youth. Mass became a regular part of my week again, and I participated in reconciliation for the first time in years, overwhelmed by a newfound sense of peace. I felt the Holy Spirit stirring within me.

Coming Home: Embracing the Catholic Faith

When my daughter was confirmed in her sophomore year, with my mom as her sponsor, I realized I was finally taking ownership of my faith. Encouraged, I discerned returning through RCIA.

In fall 2016, I reached out to Deacon Jack, saying I was ready for confirmation—nearly 30 years after I’d walked away. Calling my mom with the news, her tears of joy mirrored my own: “I’ve been praying for 30 years that you would come back. What a miracle!”The RCIA program at St. Rita’s was transformative. I asked questions, read Matthew Kelly’s “Resisting Happiness,” and went to Adoration and weekday Mass. Many times, I cried during Adoration, overwhelmed by the presence of God.

Deepening My Faith: Lifelong Learning and Community

In 2022, I completed Fr. Mike Schmitz’s “Bible in a Year” podcast—the first time I’d ever read the entire Bible. It opened my eyes to how Jesus is prefigured in the Old Testament and much more. The following year, I finished the “Catechism in a Year” podcast, deepening my respect for the faith and realizing how much can be learned by committing just 15 minutes a day.

Last year, I completed Fr. Mark-Mary’s “Rosary in a Year” podcast. Now, I’m in my third year of co-leading a small group at my parish. Through these groups, I’ve realized how supportive community can be in strengthening faith—walking together, asking questions, learning about Mass, and discovering that prayer is simply an honest conversation with God.

Reflection: From Skeptic to “Jesus Freak”

Looking back, I once called my mom a “Jesus freak.” Now, I wear that label with pride. Walking away from faith at 16 remains one of my greatest regrets, but it taught me the importance of asking questions, seeking guidance, and never giving up on the journey toward God. Our loving God is always waiting for us to return—sometimes, we just need to open the door.

If you’re coming back to the faith yourself, I encourage you to take the next step in your journey. Whether it’s reaching out to your parish, clicking to follow along to this blog, or simply spending a few minutes in prayer each day, know that you’re not alone. Open your heart to the possibility of transformation—God is always ready to welcome you home.